Happy fucking New Year. Do people really still make like New Years resolutions or something? 300+ days ahead of me to just be a regular person with no pressure (minus, of course a couple isolated Hallmark days here and there).

Speaking of: Just celebrated year 28 and still no sex coupon birthday book. Sometimes I think the whole world is against me.

There are 2 kinds of Chinese food: wet and gooey. Allow me to explain. Wet is the kind of Chinese food that comes where the meat is just wokked (sp?) up and there is some wet, watery mess at the bottom of the dish/carton/whatever. Gooey is the kind that is fried and then has a gooey sauce coating it (e.g. orange chicken or walnut prawns). I am more of a gooey man myself. They are much more fun...

Rabbit: the other other white meat.

TNN went from The Nashville Network to The New Nashville Network to The First Channel for Men to Spike TV. Whew. All within a like 18 month period. And I gotta say, they have upgraded considerably. Their best asset: Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Though Sanae says that it is actually a show from the 80s, it is a totally amazing, violent, and hilarious Japanese show, dubbed in English. Think Iron Chef chock full of sexual innuendos and regular people--men and women--getting physically smashed in all sorts of hilarious and creative ways.

Air Hockey>Fooseball>Pool. Is there anything more annoying than being at some crowded bar on a Friday night and you've got your tiny little bit of personal space you are standing in and all of a sudden some faker who thinks he's Paul Newman asks you if you could move because he's gotta take a difficult shot. Um, move where?

Providence=Divine guidance. FYI.

Someone asked me what the neighborhood was called that was west of the Inner Sunset. Ummm, Outer Sunset. Guess you'd have to live in the City to know how silly of a question that was.

Everybody thinks they have good taste. That is a quote from some movie. But that shit is true. You ever see people at shows/bars/on the street and they look so god damn ridiculous and they are strutting and shit and it's just like I wanna go up to them and be like, "Do you REALLY think you look good?"

Funny how 10 years ago we were indie rock dorks. And there really weren't all that many of us. Now we are hipsters and they (we?) seem to be coming out of the woodwork.

How struggling an actor do you need to be to take a Genital Herpes commercial? Does that affect your game at a bar on Friday night if you get recognized? How come they always show women riding horses and now they got a guy on a motorcycle? Is it really hard to sit down when you have Genital Herpes?

So RR broke his pinky finger hitting a wall. It's a long story, but to summarize it had to do with a mullet, a wall, and some faulty hair clippers. Anyways, so he has this cast up to his freaking elbow for his little pinky and after a few weeks it is pretty, shall I say, fragrant. And dirty looking. So he sprays cologne on it (always a classy touch) and decides to put dark tape (electrical tape?) over it for aesthetic purposes. It looked great...at first. Then it went downhill fast. Without the breathability of the cast, it was a greenhouse in there. It perspired through the tape. And the smell intensified. And let's just say the aesthetics were not helped by the tape's removal.

When on autopilot, do you think KITT is programmed to use his turn signals?

From a Hebrew National Beef Frank flyer I got in the mail: Myth. You have to be Jewish to love Hebrew National franks. REALITY. People of all backgrounds enjoy the better quality of Hebrew National. Non-Jewish people account for almost 80% of Hebrew National frank sales. Also merits mentioning cuz I guess Hebrew National was bought out by ConAgra Foods, which is some megamajor food-processing conglomerate in the Midwest. Think they had to break out a dictionary there to look up what Kosher actually means (when they "acquired" Hebrew National). So they are responsible for this flyer...but apparently they are still pushing the whole "We Answer to a Higher Authority." Whew.

Do you think that Orville Redenbacher's grandson gets some? He's rich and he's on TV, but what a knob.

Show Me Some Respect: When I order a Coke, please provide me with a Coke. If you happen to be a (bitchass) Pepsi retailer, please don't just hand me a Pepsi. Fucker. Coke does not=Pepsi. And if you had given me the information that Coke was unavailable, 9 times out of 10 I would rather have a Dr. Pepper or a Mountain Dew (Pepsi family products).

You know what sucks? The smarter you are, the stupider and more futile it all ends up being. That is, the smarter you are, the stupider you end up realizing you are and it is.

Most dust in your house comes from dead skin. So come on over and take a whiff of me.

I read that apples, not caffeine, are more effective in waking you up in the morning. But fuck apples. Coffee is better for warming you up, keeping you regular, and goes much, much better with a cigarette.

You know what's cool? When movie versions of plays are filmed like plays. Do you know what I mean? When they are filmed cinematically simply, and tend to use straight ahead shots and theatre-style blocking. The first example that comes to mind is the film The House of Yes. But there are countless others.

American car horns beep in the tone of F.

The Last three books I've read and whether I recommend them: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace, no; Summerland by Michael Chabon, yes; The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton, big yes.

I was at the library (on a computer) and a Sexy TS came and sat at the computer next to me. I immediately emailed Bert to inform him and he emailed me back, telling me to ask her if she is "fully operational." Good times...

Bureaucracy is a hard ass word to spell. Or something.

You know how you can get those little cartons of egg whites? Well what do they do with all those yolks? Did science breed a special yolkless egg laying chicken? Do they give the yolks to the homeless? To starving Third World countries? Drop them on bad peoples' cars?

Let's just say that I have a strong dislike for drinking coffee out of a black mug. Creepy.

Childhood Dream Job: Had a conversation with Ken recently--regarding my childhood--in which he divulged a former dream job of mine that I didn't believe. Since Ken has what I will lovingly call a less than accurate memory, I decided to consult mom. And it turned out the old man was right. My dream job when I was like 4 years old was to be a garbage man. My mama said that I used to run outside in the morning on trash days and watch the garbage men and I would go crazy. She said that I loved it and talked about wanting to be a garbage man because they got to slam the cans and throw stuff.

I learned to give the middle finger the cool way--knuckles up--from the movie Gotcha, which also showed Linda Fiorentino's bare breasts, along with the direct insinuation that she was being strip searched by a butch Eastern European woman. Merits mentioning. I really had to practice that shit though (the cool middle finger thing with the knuckles up). Shit was worth it though. Talk about your lifelong skills. Oioi, drunk again...

Marissa from The OC is so dumb. How can she not see that that dude Oliver is a slimy maggot. Both Summer and Anna are both way cuter than her too. In fact the only cool thing about Marissa is that she looks just like that girl Mercedes from License to Drive. Her and Ryan are creepy together--they both have the same hair color or something. And Ryan does all those shifty creepy eye movement things. The dude can't just look straight ahead for more than 10 seconds at a time. And he wears an awful lot of V-necks. Let's face it, that show is all about Seth. He needs to be on camera the whole show. Pure genius. I'm inviting him to my birthday next year.

And Oliver was soooooo begging to be hit by Ryan. After only 7 or 8 episodes, Ryan has already lost his fastball. He hit at least one person per episode the first 3 episodes. He hasn't hit anyone in forever. And fools been begging for it.

by Justin