Having just finished watching the latest episode of the blessed OC, I have a few things I'd like to say. First, watching The OC goes quite well with vodka tonics. Second, that creepy fucker Oliver wore 2 button down shirts (the under of the 2 being buttoned almost to the top and the over being all-the-way open, Seattle style) with an undershirt and a blazer. I don't care if that is fashionably cool, that shit looked hella awkward to me. And I'd have like nose sweat and shit if I tried to rock that many layers.Not only that, but you know he had to go shopping specifically for over and under layers separately. I mean, you can't just throw any button down shirt over another. You would need to have a whole separate pile of shirts that are a bigger size to fit over the regular sized shirts. Third, Luke is totally gonna bang Missy, I mean mom. That Julie chick is so like Bill's mom. Fourth, how the fuck did Seth not want to live in the poolhouse? The poolhouse would have been tight. And I made the type of connection I probably would not have been able to make without the assistance of alcohol. Two of the greatest shows on TV featured a houseguest living in the poolhouse. Can you name them? OK, I will tell you. The first is The OC and the other is...The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. You know I am always down to give a lil shout out to The Fresh Prince.

I don't know if it makes me a total homer, but I'm pretty pumped for the 1980 Olympic US hockey team movie. And I think Kurt Russell is a pudwhack. But I am a sucker for hockey movies. Remember Youngblood? Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves, and the coach's daughter's boobies. Hell, I even liked Mystery, Alaska, and there were no boobies in that one. *Merits mentioning that I never go to the movies unless I am in LA, so the odds of me seeing whatever the hockey movie is called are quite slim.

That reminds me, something to clarify: We have had much discussion recently about--when talking about a movie--when you ask a friend if there are boobies in a movie that they saw, must you specify naked boobies or is the implication obvious?

Chow mein>fried rice. The problem lies in the pork. Pork in pork chow mein=little pieces of pork. Pork in fried rice=the blessed pink pork cubes. I need to get in good with a Chinese restaurant so that they put the blessed pink pork cubes in the chow mein for me (like my custom tostada order).

Sharks are buoyed (cool word) by their livers. Up to 20% of their weight=liver. So I'm thinking that if I could ever get my paws on a whole shark, I'd be fucking round with some serious shark pate for days.

I was talking with Bert about my seldom-used electric guitar (which I don't love but wouldn't ever play even if I did love it), and he was saying that if I got some new strings for it, it would sound pretty good. So I asked him how much some new strings would cost. He said about 5 bucks; not that much. I said, "5 bucks. Shit, I could get a burrito for that much." To which Bert replied, "And at least you would eat the burrito."

RR says: "More is less."

JR (that's me) says: "My past is not lost on my future."

This one is mine too: Literature: The medium which employs prose to convey the hopes, dreams, victories, defeats, and sadness of a people in their various social and cultural contexts.

What/how many contexts do you fit?

Am I the only one who is always curious about what other people are reading (e.g. when I am on BART, MUNI, the ferry, or whatever)? I would guess that all the people who don't read don't care what people who are reading are reading; so that is like over half the population eliminated right there. But sincerely, I often have to lean in and stare to see what people are reading. I wonder if they think I am some creepy pervert or something.

My top 3 TV shows in descending order: 1) The OC 2) One Tree Hill 3) Smallville.

The French versus Canadian thing: Canadians>>>>French. So the big question is, where does being a French-Canadian leave you? On superficial glance, you might say the bottom of the barrel. But on closer inspection, I think that the Canadianness makes it better, so the final standings are: Canadians>French-Canadians>French.

Democracy>>>>Capitalism.

Open-toe sandals with socks. Gnar gnar. I ain't much for sandals in general, but people, please, you're killing me.

The regular versus whipped cream cheese conundrum: It's a tough one. On the one hand I think that regular cream cheese usually tastes better than whipped. But when it comes to spreading, whipped>>>>>>>regular. Spreading whipped cream cheese is totally soothing, but spreading regular cream cheese can really maul a piece of toast (bagels are more impervious). If I am gonna be spreading regular cream cheese I will pre-heat that shit on top of the oven or the toaster or something. Or else I will throw a fatty hunk of the regular cream cheese (remember, I am nothing if not excessive) on some already-toasted bread product and put it back in the toaster to really instigate the melting-to-spread process.

One of the tenets of La Maze is that "a relaxed jaw is an open vagina." So relax that jaw you going-into-labor women. And who the hell would have guessed that that is how you spell La Maze (gyeah, the whole breathing-birth thing).

And for that matter: Loose boots=Not good times.

Heard in a classroom at Mission High School: "What is a dynamic character." "A character that is dynamic." Duh.

When I yawn with my mouth closed, can people tell that I am yawning?

Nothing is more dangerous on the road than a UPS driver. Sick fuckers.

I just saw a commercial for the new Polyphonic Spree album, "Available at Target." Haha.

Who do you think would win in a fight: Beavis and Butthead or South Park? I know we have a tendency to favor the new, but Beavis and Butthead were some badass motherfuckers. In a fistfight I think they would definitely win, and in a comedy battle, I think it would be close. And I will say this for sure: Office Space>>>>>>>>>>>Baseketball.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. This makes sense since men are from Mars and women are from Venus...or something.

I don't know if you have been on a college campus lately, but I gotta tell you about the silliest new trend. People--mostly girls--rock those rectangular carry-on airplane luggage bags with wheels and pull out pulling bars as their school bags. It is the weirdest thing to see people wheeling their crap all over campus. *Insert school as an airport analogy here*

And now the long awaited Erin O'Connorisms, harvested long ago via a game of Trivial Pursuit (questions and answers summarized roughly due to alcoholic intake at the time the game was played):

Q: Something about a famous ABC News Anchor. EOC: Charlton Heston. A: Sam Donaldson.

She didn't know that there were 2 shades of brown in M and Ms.

EOC: There is too much chocolate in these cookies. what planet are you from?

When playing Trivial Pursuit, her favorite and most sought after landing place is the blessed "roll again." Unfortunately it is hard to win if that is your target.

EOC: I think I sprained my ankle today. *shows ankle* See, it's all swollen. *10 seconds later* Oh wait, it's the other ankle.

EOC: I might feel like running a marathon. JR: Um, yeah. When was the last time you even ran a mile? EOC: A whole mile?

Q: Name the Capitol City of country music. EOC: Lexington?

And this gem, from a more recent East Bay event (not that Trivial Pursuit night): I had just walked to the Bunker from West Oakland BART and was tired and hungry and had been given a bowl of Cheetos to nosh on, and EOC actually asked me, "Do you want something more substantial to eat, like celery?" The only thing I can think of that is less substantial than celery is cucumber.

by Justin