Quick burrito follow-up from last week. Pete emailed to recommend Taqueria El Castilito's breakfast burritos and Mike recommended Taqueria El Castilito's al pastor. Nick might have other, more negative commentary regarding El Castilito, but as long as you don't get any foreign objects in your burrito, I can also vouch for it being an enjoyable experience. Merits mentioning that El Castilito was long ago given the nickname "What Kinda Beans."

So I went to my first A's game this past weekend. First of all, I would like to say that Eric Byrnes has further solidified himself as my favorite never-a-Dodger. Gotta love that guy. My biggest issue with the game was the whole dot-racing thing. I saw an awful lot of sober adults seeming waaaaaaaaaaaay too invested in who won the dot-racing. People screaming at the scoreboard and stuff. Oy gevalt. Otherwise, the A's game was totally good times. Although if I still had my mustache, I sure would have blended a lot better. A whole lot of those Sam Elliot-style bushy gray 'staches were prevalent. And a good number of handlebar mustaches. Bert and I had a conversation on the way back in which we both admitted to having wool fingerless gloves in high school. That was good times. My favorite part, however, was this guy that we road on BART with. I didn't know that those shirts still existed in circulation. Fucking awesome.

What am I, in high school? A look at my weekend meals:
Friday night: Trader Joe's mini beef tacos (stuffed with supplemental cheese and salsa).
Saturday afternoon: Breakfast burritos from El Farolito.
Saturday night: Make-it-yourself at home Trader Joe's pizza (they sell uncooked pizza dough).
Sunday afternoon: Gordos carnitas burrito that Bert brought for me to mack at the game (which was big pimpin).
Sunday night: We got back to Bert's and Niko had made homemade carnitas, so I had carnitas tacos for dinner.

The moral of the story is that I did not have rose-smelling farts this weekend. Especially on Sunday night after doubling down on the carnitas.
PS Niko's carnitas >>>> Gordos carnitas.

Wait Until Dark: That old movie about the blind person who is getting stalked by a murderer so the blind person takes out all the light bulbs in their house in preparation for the murderer, in order to level the playing ground. It is all going quite well for the blind protagonist until the murderer like opens up the refrigerator and can suddenly see everything and the blind person doesn’t even know (that suddenly the murderer can see).

I bet that if Ken remembers this movie, he would consider it one of his favorites.

I generally call a woman's shirt a shirt. But you know how every once in a while you see a woman with a shirt so 80s-ed out and flowy and stuff? When I see one of those, I definitely call them blouses. You know what I mean?

So it is pretty much physically impossible for Mike, Bert, or me to drive past Digipop on 17th and whatever-that-is without saying, "Digipooop" with an accent.

Amber bought a Trader Joe's cheesecake to bring to her class for when it was her day to bring snacks. I asked her how it went over. She said it went over well. I asked her if the cheesecake was still frozen (they come from TJ's frozen) or if she preplanned. She said, "No, I thought it out in advance." Which was hilarious. Oi, get it?

Say it out loud or something.

God bless The Mission. Even though I am dirt poor, I can eat avocado sangys whenever the hell I want. It never ceases to amaze me how cheap the produce is in The Mission. For $3.04 I just came up on 2 giant avocados, 3 oranges, 3 roma tomatoes, and a basket of strawberries that smelled so good that even though I didn’t even think I wanted them, I had to buy them. At Safeway I'd be lucky to get those 2 avocados for 3 bucks. And I just had one of those oranges, and it was, as they say, chill...

Grandma told me about how she went to GapKids and bought RR a sweatsuit when he was like 7 or 8. Apparently RR would eat, sleep, and go to school in it. Never change. Never take it off. He loved it. He wore it for like 4 days straight, and my ma had to call grandma and ask her to get him more pairs. RR thought it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Grandma said that RR said something to the effect of: "These are the greatest. I can wear them all day, go to sleep in them, wake up, roll out of bed, and go to school in them all over again."

The Dial-Up Kid rides again. He could be The Amalgamator's sidekick and shit. "Downloading at the speed of dial-up...it's the Dial-Up Kid." "Oh, he's so cute."

Jesus thoughts: So why is Christmas all about Saint Nick when it is Jesus' birthday? That don’t make no god damn sense. Heh. And I had this great idea about how to tell your kids that Santa doesn’t exist: Christmas Eve and the kid puts up their stocking over the fireplace or the doggy door or whatever, and the parents don’t put any gifts in the stocking. The next morning kid wakes up, disappointed. The parents can say, "You know how we told you that Santa doesn’t give presents to little children that are bad? *dramatic pause* Well Santa doesn’t exist. We've been buying you all those gifts and you never thanked us once you inconsiderate little shit. And that is why you didn’t get any presents. How about a little deductive reasoning next time? We aren’t trying to raise a freaking retard." I think that would be cool. Or at least really funny.

Also: So Jesus is the son of god* and he walked around telling people that he was the son of god. Just wanted to clarify. I also just learned from my bible studies source, Amber, that Christ isn’t actually Jesus' last name. Christ means god. I always thought Christ was his last name, like Smith or Ross or what have you. And you may believe that he died for you and your sins (rebel Jew), but Jesus is basically famous for going around and telling people not to be bad or do bad things.

Why is it called Good Friday if it is the day Jesus died?

*This was actually pretty strange. When I wrote son of god it underlined it in green. In a nutshell, spell-check wanted me to capitalize son and god. I never knew that Microsoft Word was non-secular. Weird.

Last religious thought for the day: So the pope died and now a bunch of Cardinals go and lock themselves in a room with nothing but a giant stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and have to figure out who the next pope will be. And they pick a pope from anywhere in the world. My sources tell me they are potentially looking for a South American pope. I was thinking about this, and I was thinking that these Cardinals must have scouts all over the place, like in baseball/basketball, combing their respective regions for potential popes. Do you think they send the Cardinals scouting reports? Father Juan gives a pretty mean sermon but the projection carries through a little too strongly in the confessional. Only a priest for a couple of years, Father Pedro still has tremendous upside. Though still working on his fundamentals, he is athaletic and can give communion with either his left or his right hand. They don’t necessarily need a radar gun for anything, but perhaps they can like time the priest doing priesty things like giving communion or something (I don’t know, I'm Jewish), to see what his projected stats would be like.

Can you really make bacon crispy in the microwave? I feel like long ago I tried microwaved bacon and it was all rubbery. Besides, what happens with all the fat that would normally be cooked and then drained off?

I don’t know; what happens in the field at dusk?

IT'S BEAUTIFUL, ALL RIGHT!

I never thought it would come to this, but I think I might actually be too old to watch Saved by the Bell anymore. Although it is also possible that I have just already seen the couple of episodes that I recently tried to view like 145 times in my life and just can't watch them any more.

Now, an ethical commentary regarding last week's jesting commentary on a potential combo of the pullout method and the lunar cycle, brought to you by Lovey Lavinthal, Professional Therapist:
"You forgot the other silly one--the rhythm method...which most definitely would not work for nice Jewish girls that have no rhythm to begin with...seriously, you know from my days at planned parenthood and my continued efforts to help pregnant undecided women...all of those methods are bullshit...I would venture to say that by combining 2 low effective rate methods, the effective rate drops even below either of the initial rates because you have to factor in the intelligence level of those choosing these methods [ed. note: face]...So I think you should write a follow-up note, encouraging abstinence. Just kidding..."

Why do they say that if you are falling and you relax like a cat then you won't get as fucked up? Because if you get hit in the stomach, it hurts way more if you aren't tensed up for it...

I don’t need to be convinced that it is true or anything, I just want to know why.

I was watching The OC the other week at Brian's and his phone rang and when he answered it, instead of saying, "hello" he said "NO. I’M NOT WATCHING SURVIVOR." Good times.

Do you ever like forget to water your plants for a really, really long time? Sorry plants. They usually don’t really seem to mind unless it is really summery.

Mmmm, Summer.

By: Justin