Top 5 things about Scandia Batting Cages (obviously not counting actually getting to whack balls):
*[The amount of people wearing] Oakley/Blades.
*[The amount of people wearing] Jean shorts.
*[The amount of people wearing] Unironic mustaches.
The high heat.
Cheesepockets.
I've got a whole pile of quarters and I was here first.

Yeah, that is 6. But which of those could I possibly cut out?

*Yes, on a good day, when the Rho Park stars align, you can see a single person with all 3 of those aspects.

Good people, earthy aromas...

Watching the UNC Michigan State game on Saturday, and I can't wait til Jawad Williams makes it into the NBA because, as Sam pointed out, his nickname simply must become J-Wad. And yes, after he missed that dunk, I said, "J-Wad just blew it." Good times...

Newest t-shirt. Some sizes available...email me if you are interested. Big discount/bonus points if you know the reference...

Eat cheese, lose weight:
"One of the most surprising findings that have come out in recent years has been this link between dairy intake and weight management. People who are on weight loss diets, that is have reduced their calories, are more effective, lose more weight, keep it off better if they've included dairy products in their diet - milk, cheese or yogurt."
– Robert P. Heaney, M.D., FACP, FASNS, Professor, Creighton University

"In a recent study, we found that by increasing dairy consumption - by including more milk, cheese and yogurt in the diet - we can accelerate weight loss and fat loss in people who are already dieting without cutting their calories any further."
– Michael Zemel, Ph.D., Professor of Nutrition and Medicine, Director, The Nutrition Institute, University of Tennessee

In summary, according to 3aday.org: be sure to eat cheese daily, it is good for you and helps you to lose weight. Thank you.

Do you ever wish that you were Latino so that your lady could call you Popi? I always thought that would be cool. I guess I will have to settle for when I become a grandfather to be called pop[p]i.

Another one of those words that isn’t actually a word that I hear people say a lot is assertation. It's assertion, you putz.

I also find it hard to accessorize with the mustache. It doesn’t go well with the bling bling or with the nose ring. Heh. That rhymed.

Did you know that you can give yourself an alcohol enema? The major problem with the old alcohol enema though is that the tissue in the anus is so thin that the alcohol gets rapidly absorbed directly into the bloodstream and can cause alcohol poisoning of a very serious nature. Yes, that is right. People have died of alcohol poisoning via the alcohol enema.

Pass the wire.

Name the movie: Ding Dong You're Dead.

I've been thinking about going by the pseudonym "The Dial-Up Kid."

Cuz I am like the only person you know that is on dial-up, and stuff.

"I don’t like biting my tongue. It hurts." --Ma

That was metaphorical, you tard.

A couple of weeks ago I sang the praises of the wasabi bloody mary I made. Today, I tell you about the tuna salad sangy with wasabi. It too was excellent. Fucking excellent. As you may be able to discern, I have recently come up on some wasabi powder (Trader Joe's has it), and I am still exploring the uses for it. But I have to say, even if I can't think of another single use, that shit is still must have for the bloody marys and tuna sangys.

You know what makes me fucking nuts? The counterintuitivity of the two-sided DVD. You know that the laser reads from the bottom of the machine, so when you want to play Side A, if you have half a brain you want to put Side A facing down. Apparently, however, they make DVDs for people who have < half a brain. I'm finally at the point where I have internalized this misnomer and am able to load a DVD the "appropriate" way, but I still feel insulted. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? I guess if you don’t, you either A) are still jockin betamax or B) have < half a brain.

Is there anything less intelligent looking than the look on my face when I am trying to make a sneeze come out? My face all scrunched up, mouth open like a mouth breather, eyes wanting to squint but holding them open so that I can look into the light (and I think I end up with one eye shut anyways). I hate it when people see me doing that.

For that matter, why do we sneeze more when we have colds? What triggers that? When you are stuffed up from a cold and you feel a sneeze come on, do you ever force all the sneeze power to come (solely) out of your nose in an effort to clear out your passages? It kinda hurts and stuff. At least that is what I hear, or something.

Add this to the list of trying-too-hard-to-stimulate-the-already-overstimulated-American-public: Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Um, calm down you product-name-givers. My synapses are fried.

What are the rules of racquetball? That shit looks awesome, but I can't figure out what the fuck the deal is exactly. Smashing the ball against all sorts of walls and stuff. I bet I would be good at that. All things being equal, I'd still rather play Jai-Alai--which every person seems to have either A) never heard of or B) know the exact and proper spelling of. There ain't a whole lot of gray area on this one.

Running: so you know how they say you will live longer if you run? Well I hate running. Fucking boring. Give me a ball and I can be satiated (and then some) for hours. But just running? Pass. In order to make myself and all those others out there that hate running feel a little better, I've got some math for you. So you live 2 years longer if you run for 30 minutes a day (JR estimations, bigtime). However, running 300 days a year times 30 minutes=150 hours a year spent running. Over 30 years, that would=4500 hours. That's over half a year right there. Factor in all the peripheral time requirements (before and after stretching, showers, shoe shopping, etc), and I would say you spent a whole year of the 2 years you added onto your life doing the training to buy you that extra year. Furthermore, I'd rather have that time to enjoy when I was young and virile instead of living to be 81 instead of 80. Thank you.

Just because it is in a book doesn’t make it true or not true.

Remember that movie CHUD? Bert even remembered what the acronym stands for. Do you?

I was with Amber and we went to Cole Hardware because she needed to buy a screwdriver and they were behind locked glass so she had to get a guy to open the case, and he was all, "Which one do you want?" She gestured at a medium-priced model, and asked, earnestly, "Is that a sweet screwdriver?"

Who could blame her for not wanting to buy some mediocre screwdriver?

You know what is weird? Sweatshirts without hoodies. I still have one, and on the rare occasion that I put it on, I feel weird. Do you know what I mean? When was the hoodie created anyway? Oi, Advanced Search?

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers

What exactly does a recreational therapist do? Like parks and rec shit? That would be cool. Or something.

Oi, fooseball. And that game with the caroms and the sticks where you tried to "shoot" (like shooting pool) the carom all-the-way into one country/lake/mappish area after another (said areas would always be numbered).

By: Justin