Not that I really care, cuz I don’t watch the show for Marissa, but don’t you think her "blackmailed" deal with Caleb should be considered null and void since the only reason that Jimmy had to sell the restaurant was because Caleb bribed the guy from the liquor board? I don’t think there is any way that she should still have to move in with Caleb and Julie Cooper after that. Can I get an amen? Besides, if that property was so valuable to that guy that Caleb met in Vegas who owns the rest of the beach property and needs the Lighthouse (or whatever it's called) as the final piece, wouldn’t that guy have waaaaaaaaaaaaay outbid Sandy and Jimmy for it when the original restaurant owner sold it?

Screw everyone who isn’t down with The Amalgamator. Fuckin haters.

Quasi said it succinctly enough: "Drown if you sink/condemned if you float."

At my house we have all these sporks. It totally sucks. We had this one nice, regular, full-sized adult fork, and my housemate broke it. Boy, I was pissed. And why the hell do they have to make those stupid shorter forks anyways? I can just as easily eat my salad with an adult-sized fork, if that is the dilemma. We have all at one time or another went to grab a fork and been bummed that all that was left was the little guys (haven’t we? I have like 50000000 times).

What's up with that Chaser anti-hangover stuff? Does it work? Does it affect alcoholic, er, alcohol enjoyment?

Speaking of weird television drugs, have you seen the commercial for the new Viagra-type drug? This one lasts for 36 hours, which is totally great, or something. But one of the side-effect warnings was something like, "If you experience an erection for 4 hours straight or more, you should go directly to the Emergency Room." That definitely doesn’t fall into the whole "Effects are similar to placebo" thing.

Jesus boots=Birkenstocks.I guess that makes Jesus the OG hippie, or something.

Jacking off in a car=auto autoeroticism.

We were having a conversation about an article on in-context grammar discussion in my English teacher class, and in the article the teacher used some line by Nabakov for her students to model, and within the sentence there were parentheses, and within these parentheses a great history was implied, and I said "Dude, it's like if these walls could talk, but these walls are parentheses." Good times...

Speaking of, one parenthesis ain't saying much (there is not a lot you can do with one, unless you are the cheesy happy-face-maker-type). It's all about the parentheses.

When it comes to my 2 favorite dessert cereals--Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Reese's--the toughest challenge is deciding what I like more, the cereal in milk, or the milk after it. If I were eating nondessert cereal, I wouldn’t even want any excess milk necessarily. But when the milk is flavored with sugary goodness, it is a different story. So here is the problem. You can't just pour extra extra milk into the bowl, cuz then the sweetness factor of the milk will end up being too diluted. So you wanna give yourself enough so that you have 2 good gulps or so, but you want them to be high quality gulps. See the issues I go through on a daily basis? And FTR I call them dessert cereals cuz that is what they are. I have them late night for dessert more often than I have them during the day (for breakfast). It probably stems from my childhood. I had an all-natural peanut butter (yuk) and cereal childhood. Kix was the party cereal of my childhood. And Kix is aiight (I guess), but Kix ain't really much of a party.

You know what freaks me out bigtime? People that don’t stop the microwave before they open it. I think that this is more than just a pet peeve. This is a safety hazard. People can die from radiation (radiation, radiation, radiation). Good times (unless you are the radiated one, of course). If you are too lazy to press stop before you open the microwave, can you at least warn me in advance so I can either run out of the room or put on one of those lead vests like at the dentist?

Whatever happened to Jennifer Love Hewitt?

You ever watch someone at the taqueria making your burrito and it just looks so sloppy and square and funky? No matter how shitty your burrito (disfigured) looks when they are making it, the foil wrapper just shapes that shit back into the desirable cylindrical shape, even if it is just a superficial fix. I wish there was a metaphorical piece of foil that could reshape my fucked up life.

Have you ever accidentally bought juice oranges instead of eating oranges (to eat)? That sucks.

When you think about it, it is a weird feeling to turn on the TV to check out ESPN to see if your favorite Laker is going to make it back from his rape trial hearing in time for the playoff game.

Even though there are 100000000 songs out there, how come there are only 6 featured in the movies and on TV at any one time?

I'm the guy that steps on the trash. *trash compactor* I think all guys are the guy that steps on the trash. Do girls do this at all?

2 reasons I hate Macintosh: delete and right click. On a PC, there are both delete and backspace. So you can basically delete left or right (like Hebrew or English, oi). On Macs, you can only delete. What complicates matters is that delete doesn’t even equal delete; it equals backspace. Argh. *pirate* As far as the right click goes, I think that the right click, along with the scroll wheel, are the most underrated things in all of computers. Neither of these features are available on a standard Mac mouse. Which is totally weaksauce. Right clicking frees a user up to do so much more...and the scroll wheel reinvented web surfing. Merits mentioning.

You know we are always on the lookout for exciting things to do with cream cheese. Well, I have another to report: cream cheese and salami. You can rock a cream cheese and salami sangy (with or without mayo), or you can just make little cream cheese-in-the-middle-of-rolled-up-pieces-of-salami appetizer style. Would be real classy pierced with toothpicks at a cocktail party. Try it before you hate on it.

Taqueria tribulations: You ever wonder who the fuck orders fish or shrimp at the dirtier taquerias out there? I mean, I fuckin love a good shrimp burrito, I ain't hating. And I love El Farolito, you best believe. But who the fuck would order fish from there? That just sounds so wrong. Sounds like the runs is what it sounds like, actually.

Imp of the perverse: long ago Bert introduced us to the term. It basically refers to thinking about killing yourself/others, but from a specific lens. Like, have you ever been driving and kinda felt some weird urge to swerve straight into oncoming traffic? or when driving on some cliffy road, just driving off the edge? or when you are standing on a tall ledge/roof, just jumping? or pushing the person next to you off? That shit got me thinking, I think the most tempting for me would be to go up into space and be out of the shuttle (really be in space, you know. Staying in the shuttle the whole trip would be like going to some beautiful island but staying in your hotel the whole time) and stick a needle in my spacesuit. I would, allegedly, get my whole person sucked out that little needle hole. That would be cool. That would be even cooler to do to someone else so I could see what it looked like. Good times.

Of course he named the boat after you. Duh.

by Justin