The school that I am teaching at is like 95% Latino, staff included. I was talking with one of my fellow teachers, who also coaches the soccer team, and he asked me if I would be joining them for a game of soccer. I said that ever since I tore my ACL (when I was 18), I have not enjoyed the motion of kicking a soccer ball. He asked, "Did you tear it skiing?" To which I got to respond, "Just because I am white doesn’t mean that I like to go skiing." Which is good times...for fuck's sake, I have only been to the snow twice in my whole life.

I called one of my male students virile the other day; since he didn’t know what it meant, I made him look it up in the dictionary. More good times.

The school has a dress code, which is khakis and a polo shirt. They are allowed to wear shorts. We were going for a field trip/hike, so I reminded my students the day before that they could wear shorts, so long as they were khaki (since it is 90+ degrees in San Jo). One student asked, "Why can't I wear jean shorts." My retort: "Why would you even own jean shorts?" The girls laughed but the boys didn’t. See, even more good times. Teaching is fun.

A few days later, the same student asked why they weren’t allowed to wear khaki-colored jeans to school as part of their dress code. I asked him if he gets to do all his clothes shopping on his own. Sometimes a second opinion is priceless.

I have realized that I really like to use the phrase: "Have at it." I think it is cool.

So a couple of weekends ago I went out in the Marina for the first time ever. If you don’t know San Francisco, the Marina is like, well, not my scene. Heaps of I-Bankers and chicks with fakies and fake tans and stuff. It was really funny though. Every single guy I saw was wearing a long sleeve button down shirt with vertical stripes. All of them were either 3 or 4 different colors, included some shade between red and burgundy, and looked like they were purchased with a group discount at The Gap. Not good times...I looked like a fucking rebel Jew in my Friday night shirt. The bars in the Marina were all nice and stuff though, since it is a yuppie neighborhood. That was the weirdest part, going out to a bar that wasn’t all skuzzy with a dirty floor and jam-packed full of people. Places were like posh or something.

Written in a letter to a student: "I encourage you to embrace your strengths and to utilize and develop them; ultimately they are your greatest odds of finding success and happiness."
--Mr. Ross

Everybody goes pee in the ocean when they go to the beach. When the water is really cold, however, it is hard for me to fully unload the bladder. I end up taking multiple medium-draining pees, and when I get out I always feel like I still have some left in me. You know how I counter that now? When I am committed to going in the water, I stand with just my feet in the water, on the shore, and pee. This way I don’t have to deal with the cold-impeding-the-flow, am able to drain the vein entirely, and then go jump in the water. Don’t hate.

Plus, when you are out there peeing and a wave comes, you have to pinch it (the pee) in order to deal with the wave. You know what I mean?

Here is an idea for a contest I came up with to have in the summer school class I am teaching: Who can bring Mr. Ross the most avocados. So far, Rudolpho is winning.

Speaking of teaching, the other day we went on a field trip and I didn’t get a cigarette break from 8:15 until after 2:00, during which time I ate lunch and went on an hour long hike in 95 degree San Jose weather. And I got my first head rush off of a cigarette since lord knows when...high school or something...good times.

Do you ever have dreams that you are shopping somewhere totally random for shoes and you find some super-rare, supersweet, limited edition Nikes (in your size and everything) for super cheap? Me too. All the time. It's sad when you wake up and you don’t have those kicks though.

I'm sure we have all wished that we had a twin brother/sister that we could have grown up hanging out with, to play with and all that good stuff. Seems like that would be totally sweet. But here is the problem with that. For example, when my twin brother and I went out together, we would each have half the chance of getting lucky at a bar (or some such place). We would have to share the number of girls that found us attractive enough to engage us in dialog. Of course, once my imaginary twin brother or I get 'em talking...forget about it.

When we were in college, Bert told me about putting lotion on my 2-hole post-poo. Which blew me away. I treat myself to the post-poo lotion from time to time, and it feels really nice. Like the "wash-a-new-towel-before-you-use-it" debacle, why didn’t our parents tell us about this when we were kids?

PS The weirdest part about it is that I was talking with Bert a little while ago, and thanked him for the lotion tip from so long ago, and he said that he never told me about it. He said that he's never even done it himself. But I remembered so clearly being in his dorm room, just coming in from a rough one in the bathroom, him telling me about the lotion, and me making a 180 and heading out of his room--posthaste--to evaluate the suggested method.

Ever wondered how many different kinds of cocks there are in the dictionary? Me too. Bringing you "fun with the dictionary," as well as an educational opportunity and simply putting the dic in dictionary (from my Webster's):

Cock: Male fowl.
Cock: A chief person.
Cock: The hammer of a firearm.
Cock: Arrogance.
Cock: Penis.
Cock: Strut; swagger.
Cock: To draw back or bend.
Cock: To tilt or slant.
Cock: A small pile.
Cock of the Walk: One that dominates a group.
Cockcrow: Dawn (rise of the cock).
Cock snooks: To thumb the nose (not at my cock).
Cockade (heh): An ornament to be worn (not a bunch of cocks used to block access).
Cock-a-hoop: Exulting.
Cockaigne: An imaginary land of chillness (not Tony Montana's, maing).
Cock-a-leekie: A soup (not made of cock drippings). Not having to do with pee. Misnomer.
Cockalorum: A self-important person (based on their cock?).
Cockamamy: Ridiculous.
Cock-and-bull story: A sensational story, told as true (may include a cock in the story).
Cockapoo: A dog (or the end results of a 2-hole penetration gone awry).
Cockatiel: Another dog.
Cockatoo: A noisy bird.
Cockatrice: A legendary "serpent." Or Buckwheat doing a gang bang commentary: "Once, trice, tree times a cock show."
Cockboat: A small boat (not a sausage party on a yacht).
Cockchafer: A big ass beetle (or a bad hand jobber).
Cockcrow: Dawn (oi, waking up with the rise of the cock).
Cocker: Indulge, pamper (I'll cocker her).
Cocker: Handler of fighting cocks (sword fight).
Cocker: Dog.
Cockerel: Young male fowl.
Cockeye: Squinting eye (what from, what from?).
Cockfight: Gamecocks fighting each other (swordfight II).
Cockhorse: Rocking horse (when this cockhorse is a rocking, don’t come a knocking).
Cockhound: Someone who loves the cock.
Cockle: A pink weedy plant.
Cockle: A shell with ribbed (for her pleasure) valves.
Cocklebur: Prickly-fruited plant (prick).
Cockleshell: Part of the cockle (duh).
Cockloft: The loft of the cock, of course.
Cockney: A spoiled woman (by cock?) or a Londoner (cock).
Cockpit: Space for piloting (or: armpit, kneepit, cockpit...).
Cockroach: Insect (if you smoke my cock, afterward you will be left with the cockroach. Also, the only survivors in the event of nuclear war).
Cocks comb: A plant (or a grooming device for the cock?).
Cocks foot: Grass (or the base of the cock?).
Cockshut: Evening (or too much drinking=cockshut).
Cockshy: A target (a nervous cock?).
Cocksucker: One who performs fellatio (sucks the cock).
Cocksure: Overconfidence (in my cock).
Cocksurely: And don’t call my cock Shirley.
Cocktail: A drink.
Cock-up: To mess up (or morning wood?).
Cocky: Bold, brash (cocky cock).
...
Codpiece: A little bag in the front of men's trousers, used to conceal the cod (cock).
Cuckold: A guy who is made to feel like a cock by another man's cock in his wife.
Gamecock: Fighting rooster (or a cock with game?).
Weathercock: A weather "vane." Plus it points.
Woodcock: A kind of bird (not a cock sculpture made of wood).

Glaring omissions from Webster's:

Cockadoodledoo: The sound a cock makes (not that kind of cock).
Cockblock: When someone (or someones) salt the game of someone who is trying to use their cock (or whatever) in its intended manner.
Cockbreath: The breath of a cocksmoker.
Cockburn: A type of wine (or the results of someone insisting on giving you a handjob).
Cockfiend: Someone who just can't get enough cock.
Cock-Knocker: The character played by Luke Skywalker in Jay and Silent Bob, who has a giant oversized fist and punches Jay in the balls with it.
Cockless: Without cock (bad for a woman; exponentially worse for a man).
Cockrock: Cheesy, wankerish, guitar-based rock and roll.
Cocksmoker: Someone who smokes the cock.
Cocktease: Someone who makes the cock think it is going to get action, but does not allow the cocking to come to fruition.

That's a lot of cocks.

by Justin
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