Why is it that I can't not read the subtitles when they are activated on a movie/show? Even if the show is in English, if there are subtitles, I am unable to fully follow the action on screen because my brain just draws me to them. I heart words.

Another NBA Draft without Mike, and they just aren’t the same. Merits mentioning, however, that with TIVO, I could speed through all the crap. The 2 best parts of the draft (since I know you missed it but really want the concise recap): The first player picked name was "Andrea," and when the top rated point guard, Marcus Williams, finally got drafted after falling like 15 draft slots, one of the announcers at MSG (where the draft takes place), who are microphoned up so the whole Garden fans/audience/draftees can hear them, explained that one of the reasons why he slid was because he has 14% body fat, and is way out of shape. He said, and I quote, "14% body fat...that is okay...if you are a bear in hibernation." Good times. Then the camera cut to the guy walking up to the podium. The other priceless part of the draft is seeing 6'8" 19 year old kids in custom-tailored suits that are just god-fucking-awful. Old school.

A friend of mine (protect the innocent) said, "What kind of program do you have to have to play a DVD on your computer?" I told her a DVD drive is always a good start. She said, "Oh. Well it would be cool if you could just get some software that allowed you to play DVDs on your computer." Um, yeah, it would be (cool).

Epiphany: Uggs are the cold weather equivalent of flip-flops. Thank you.

I was getting a drink with a friend and some real high-brow-fucking-friends of hers, and my friend was like, "All 3 of you are writers." One said to the other, "What do you write." She responded, "short stories." The other said, "Me too." Then they turned to me and asked, "What do you write?" I said, "Out of my ass." Sweet.

Do you get so excited when on Monday you go to put on the jacket that you wore to the bar on Friday night and you find like 4 packs of Camels that you had totally forgotten about, but that you'd gotten for free at the bar because one of those Camel reps was there? Me too. The best part about getting free cigarettes at a bar from the Camel reps is that since I would otherwise pay for the cigarettes, I can also mentally transfer the "free cigarettes" notion into "subsidized bar drinks." Good times.

I know, I am a mental giant.

I love taking my button-down shirts to the dry cleaners. Love love love it. The shirts come back so clean and wrinkle free--like new again. And barring eating Indian food or some other phenomenon that especially lends itself to the phenomenon of "God damn it. I just got this shirt back from the dry cleaners" I usually get at least 3 good wears out of a button-down before it goes back to the dry cleaners (and FYI I just get them laundered, not dry cleaned. Unless, of course, if they have a giant curry stain. Curry stains=dry cleaning). OK, I am swiftly getting to my point. In conversation with Amber I realized that girls don’t have it nearly as easy. What allows me to wear a button-down shirt 3 or more times without it being gross is the blessed undershirt. But girls' shirts are too fitted for them to be able to wear the invaluable underarm-protecting undershirt. And their shirts are so tight that they hug pit all damn day. No way can you get away with really wearing one of those 2 times, let alone 3 or more. So that makes it much tougher and more expensive for a girl to utilize the dry cleaners...

Oh yeah, I got empathy.

I was watching the TV and it said that because the Liberty Bell had that hairline crack on it, in order to fix it, they had to make a big crack on the Bell somewhere else. Separate from any technical or structural justification for such an action, ironically this sounds a lot like our government. Go America.

I was talking with a friend who was sort of having the shits, and we were out on Friday night (ew, I don’t know if there is anything worse-sounding on earth than a Friday-night-at-the-bar shit, not that I have ever done it, but I have gone home early in lieu of it), and I asked him if he'd taken any Immodium, because that shit works. He said, "No. I took some Pepto. That shit sort of works." So I said, "The difference between sort of works and all-the-way works, when we are talking about having the runs, is actually a rather significant difference." He went directly to the liquor store, bought Immodium, and didn’t poop again that night. In my country, I am considered a hero.

Did you know that people that are from Phoenix refer to themselves as Phoenixians? No shit. Pretty regal sounding for Phoenix.

Apparently there is also a big indoor tanning salon thing going on in Phoenix. I don’t understand AT ALL why places like LA and Phoenix have such an abundance of tanning salons. One or two, just for the really awful people that live there, I understand. But like one on every other block? That is gross. They could be homeless shelters or something.

We were at a barbeque at Ben's house, and Ben called this one guy who had just used his crapper and apparently left skidmarks on it: "Poocasso." I thought that was hella funny.

Bert was telling me that he was kinda bummed because he took the chairs that were in the living room and put them out in the rockroom (where there is the full band rockout set up going on). He was bummed because they moved the chairs into the rockroom so that people could come in and watch them rock out, saying that nobody ever comes to watch. I was all, "Hey. I sit down in there and [drink and] watch you guys rock out sometimes." And he was all, "Uh, I meant chicks."

LOST STUDENT ANECDOTES:

I was doing a brainstorming session with my kids, and to loosen them up I asked them what their favorite cuss word was. They were all hella nervous, like I was gonna narc them out or something. So I was like, "I can't believe you guys don't wanna do this." So they were like, "You go first." Encouraging creativity over vulgarity (but with a nice combo, I admit), I said that my favorite cuss word is "Cumsicle." Good times. Everyone laughed a lot except for this one girl that was all, "Like kumquat?"

Someone wrote me an email saying that they "vowel to get an A this time" in my class. Oi, get it?

(Paraphrasing) One of my students wrote this amazing quote: "Schema is like a closet. You hang your schema in it like clothes, and if you have a nice [metaphorical] wardrobe, then you have great schema for any occasion." To extend her quote, some closets are stuffed full, some closets are rather sparse; sometimes the clothes are fancy, sometimes they are cheap; and sometimes all those clothes are clean as hell from the dry cleaners, and sometimes they are all wrinkly and dirty.

*schema*

You'd think that it would be easy to give a bad grade, when grading an essay, to a student that is one of your not favorites. It is actually really hard. Bizarrely, it is much easier to give a bad grade to a student that I really like. Not that it is easy; it sucks balls. But I find myself giving so much benefit of the doubt to the less favorite students because of a fear of bias.

I had a senior who was positive that the essay prompt: "Analyze the various and evolving meanings of windows and/or the bell jar in the novel" was not a real prompt because it didn’t ask a question/end with a question mark.

I was asking my students what they wanted to learn about in class. One of them said (paraphrased), "When I write, I feel like I use so many extra words to get my point across. What I am trying to say is that I feel like I am too wordy. I would like to be able to learn to use less words." I said, "There's a word for that. It's called 'concise.'" It was really funny.

I had a kid who was actually able to tell me the difference between a monologue and a soliloquy, and he explained it really clearly too.

I had students go around the room, naming their favorite book, and when students named a book I'd never heard of, I asked who the author was. When I asked this one student who the author of his favorite book was (which I'd never heard of), he replied, "Oh, it's a Japanese book." So then I got to say, "What...Japanese books don’t have authors?" Good times...

This week's that guy is picked in part due to the nostalgia I felt while watching him in Rudy yesterday, and in part because of his kickass last name--it sure as fuck ain't based on his pussyass first name. Peep a little game on Chelcie Ross.

Credits Include:
A Simple Plan
Primary Colors
Against Their Will: Women in Prison
RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY RUDY
Basic Instinct
The Last Boy Scout (Surf's up, pal)
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (As Colonel Oats (in hell), he tells Bill and Ted to drop and give him infinity (push ups), and Bill says to Ted, "No way I can do infinity push ups," to which Ted retorts, "I wonder if he'll let us do them girly style."
Major League (He puts snot on the ball)
Above the Law (Yes! The 6 degrees of separation of Screwface)
The Untouchables
Hoosiers (Wow, never would have guessed he'd be in 2 movies that make me cry)
...
And numerous TV show appearances, including a recurring role on Dallas.

by Justin
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