Week 2 of Mr. Justin turns Mr. Ross and I would like to talk a little bit about high school fashion. I should preface this diatribe with the fact that I know that we had goofy styles in our own younger days--though I feel like I associate those goofy fads more with middle school and the evil pants-pegging phenomenon that would get my ass kicked if I rocked it in this modern era. Funny that contemporarily is really a word.

5. You may recall that I have espoused on the dreadfulness that is the jeans/pants/jackets/shirts that have the team name patch of every NBA team on them? That shit doesn’t just exist out on the streets. It exists in the classroom too. Oy gevalt. PS The same exact sentiment holds true on the whole NASCAR jacket (particularly the M & M Letterman's Jacket model). I'm thinking about a reverse-group intervention.

*assembly in the auditorium*

4M. I still don’t really get why the t-shirt has to be inside out. I understand that it needs to be 4XL on a dude that is 5'6. I understand that to wear a basketball jersey over it, the jersey must also be a size 4XL (that's logistics, folks). I just don’t understand what there is to gain by rocking a t-shirt that is inside out (did some really popular kid somewhere start that trend by accident? Players fuck up too?).

4F. A lot of girls seem to have Chuck Taylors to match every outfit conceivable (and/or they wear a lot of pink). Not only do they have Chucks in every color, but they also have exciting print fabric-ed ones that look all custom and shit.

3. While it isn’t quite as bad as the infamous pants-pegging, due to the fact that pants are cut differently than when I was in high school (more on this in a bit), the cuff area is way wider than ever. Some students address this too-wide cuff issue by pinching off the extra area and putting rubber bands around it. That shit is strange.

Associated commentary: when I was in high school, I had to work hella-hard to get some pants to be hella baggy. I used to buy my Dickies in size 48 in the waist so that they would look huge. These days you can go out and just buy some pants that look like they are waist 48 but they are really like waist 34. And they say kids have it sooooo tough today...

2. Some students wear a fat lace (like a fat lace for old school shoes--which is fortunately not cool on the shoes at least anymore/so much) that they tie/anchor to the back of their jeans. This fat lace just drags around behind them. That's pretty fucking strange.

1. Batting gloves. Huh? you say. Yeah, that's right. Kids wear baseball batting gloves in class. They were 1 glove, all Michael Jackson style. It freaks me out. Bunch of hot, sweaty little high school hands in those gloves if you ask me. Little perverts (I know; we can smell our own). I just don’t really understand where this comes from. Girls do it too. Why?

*not even feigning a transitional paragraph*

I always get confused which is the mortar and which is the pestle. Bert clarified it for me when I was talking about it (and of course had forgotten which was which), and now I think I will always remember. It was funny too cuz I asked him which is the penis and which is the vagina in the relationship. And pestle sounds like penis (at least a hell of a lot more than mortar does, anyways). When things have a relationship like that, I totally think of them as male and female parts. Is that strange? I'm sure you could finagle some way to make that come off as me being sexist too. Ew. But there are some things that are actually officially referred to as male/female parts. Like nuts/bolts and stuff. Or something. Though the irony there would be that the nuts are the vaginas in that scenario. This whole paragraph makes me feel like I need a new (or better) hobby, or something...So, moving swiftly on...

Would you rather be intelligent or rich? I think that personally I would rather be intelligent. And I'm not just saying that because I'm not rich. So there.

So I was spacing out the other day and for some reason I realized this huge plot failure in The Karate Kid: So you know the first time Danielson gets fucked up by the Cobra Kai, when he tells his mom about it, he explains that he just got fucked up falling off his bike. And her dumb ass believes him. The second time the Cobra Kai fucks him up, his mom runs into him as he is pushing his tattered-ass bike up to their condo (they pushed him off his bike) and she screams at him, "What happened to you? And don’t tell me it's another bike accident." Um, lady, did you see what his bike looks like? He is pushing it right now cuz it is so fucked up he can't ride it. How do you not believe it was a bike accident that time? How do you not just say, "OK Daniel, we are gonna have to put some training wheels on that motherfucker for you." Anyways, so that frustrated me.

The weird part is that I haven’t seen The Karate Kid in years and years, and yet this whole epiphany just randomly popped into my head the other day.

Have I told you that I've been bringing "face" back? Well, I have. I've even done it to my students a couple of times (only in 1 on 1 conversations though--it's more appropriate that way. High school students like to "save face").

I think we should have a big Cheesepockets barbeque at the park one day and have heaps of games and stuff. And we could even have the blessed (not mythical; I done seen it) Cheesepockets van come out instead of the BBQ and have them serve us up some pockets. Wouldn’t that be fun? We could like drink a shitload and play old school games. I have actually had this burning itch (doctor said it was nothing) to play red rover. Could you imagine how much fun drunk red rover would be? I'd be busting through shit like a motherfucker. Taking fools arms with me if they tried to stop me (bust this shit up like a high school kegger). We could play steal the bacon and then like have a wet t-shirt contest or something. That would be so chill.

Speaking of cheese, I read this interview with this cheese expert that was in the Weekly, and it asked the guy what the most expensive kind of cheese on earth is. The guy said that the most expensive is probably Italian Maggot Cheese. He said: "You can tell [if] it's still good if the maggots aren’t dead." So it's not like a figurative title for the cheese. It really is--literally--maggot cheese. Dude explained that it doesn’t get imported here; he even said that he'd heard that it is illegal in Italy. That sounds like some seriously hardcore cheese. I wanna check it out. Though I must say that the sound of "maggot cheese" doesn’t exactly make me hungry.

So if this maggot cheese is so hard to find/illegal, I wonder if you could find it on the black market. That would be so cool. I want to go to a black market. Get a switchblade (or some ninja stars) and some maggot cheese and some high-powered fireworks. If anybody knows where the black market is in San Francisco, please email me the address. Thanks.

Stolen cheese=hot cheese.

Still thinking about maggot cheese: what kind of wine-pairing do you think would go with maggot cheese?

So I was listening to the Beatles the other day and I heard that song: "Why Don't We Do It In The Road." I have to say, this song makes zero fucking sense to me. First and foremost, how the fuck does one do it in the road? Draw me a picture of that shit. Hey, I'm as big a fan as anybody of doing it, don't get me wrong (on the road, yes; in the road, not so much). I just want it to be plausible. That's all (like my masturbation fantasies--overshare?). Second, not only is that a gibberish line as far as I'm concerned, but they fucking say it like 175 times in the song and that's about all they say. Didn’t really shoot the lyrical load on that one, did you guys?

*maggot cheese quesadilla burp*

I can't possibly be the only one (I'm pretty sure that at the very least this goes through Benzo's and RR's heads too--it certainly goes through my head for RR as well), but when I think I am about to get lucky, I hear the sing-song voice in my head going: "Tonight...it is your night bro...it is your night bro…it is your night bro...

Do you even know what movie that is from?

By: Justin