At lunch last week, the school had a "Club Rush Day" where every club at the school set up a booth to attract new membership. I was in shock; I had never seen so many different clubs in my life. They had: Superhero Club (oi, Seth Cohen), every ethnic club imaginable (Korean, Chinese, Black, Asian, Latino, French, Italian, Pacific Islander, and Iranian), math club, science club, Leo's club, hella lit clubs (drama, sci fi, Shakespeare, etc), cult club, shredder's club (snowboardin, bra--I had to ask what it meant), anime club, peace club, save the 3rd world club, and like more and stuff...

All I could think about was how "the physics club isn't like other kinds of clubs..."

The Latino club asked me if I would be their supervisor. Sweeeeeeeeeeet.

See, they like me. They really like me.

My sophomores are reading Lord of the Flies (and fucking loooooving it), and they were having small group discussions. One of the questions that I gave each group was for them to come up with a top 5 things that they would bring to a deserted island--and they had to come up with the list as a group. One group actually listed "pregnant chicken" as one of the things that they would bring. Talk about good times...You know that I took advantage of that "teachable moment."

You know what sucks? That it is just about impossible to buy a water bottle that isn't Nalgene. I am not remotely trying to be some hippie guy. I just need a fucking water bottle for everyday use for my classroom. And I couldn’t fucking find one that wasn’t a Nalgene bottle. Argh.

My New Plan to Get an IPOD: If every single one of my students threw in about $2.50, I would have enough to get a very nice IPOD. This is a mere pittance for them, I think.

Jason Lee has a TV show! Jason Lee has a TV show! Excellent. Bonus points that the fat kid (that sang) in Remember the Titans plays his brother on the show.

Bonus.

I fear that since I started teaching my kids about "facing" each other (and me), they are beginning to be a little bit obsessed with it; almost to the point that their focus on content is suffering.

One of my fellow teachers told me that she had all my current sophomores last year as freshmen, and that they all told her that at first they thought I was "frightening" but now they think I am "cool." God damn, I wanna be both.

*Fishbowl*

Sometimes when I am grading their papers, I just write schema in the margin (when they are activating their schema). Good times.

I don’t know what was more annoying about last Friday night: the 45 minutes Bert and I spent arguing with Mikey for saying that without the Beatles, there would be no Archers of Loaf, Pavement, Grandaddy, or basically any music whatsoever as we know music to be today, or the 45 minutes Bert and I spent arguing with Mikey that there is a difference between Bri G choosing not to smoke near his coworkers because it makes him feel uncomfortable (cancer issues) and me being morally obligated as a (pseudo) role model to not smoke in front of my high school kids. Towards the end of the latter argument, I was so over it that I went outside to take a cigarette break, and when I came back in Mikey was still being argumentative, difficult, and frustrating. He doesn’t need his tour helmet; Mikey is hard-headed enough as it is.

Childhood Memories: You are well-versed in my passion for water by now. It is the key to my health despite all my various poor lifestyle choices. I just remembered the other day how my whole water-obsession started. I was watching the news with Ken, and I couldn’t have been older than 7 or 8, and the news had their "Health Segment," which said that studies show that drinking 8 8-ounce glasses of water a day will make you healthier and live longer. And the more water you drink, the better. Now because the Ross family was a bunch of monkeys, ma always bought the gaint plastic jug milk cartons. I remember I went and rinsed one of those out, filled it up with water, went back to the living room, and told Ken that I was going to drink the whole thing. Then I proceeded to drink the whole thing--rather quickly I might add (always had that water drinking prowess). Unfortunately it was just too much water; shortly after finishing my final sip, I experienced a fullness that would never truly feel matched. I ran into the bathroom and threw up a whole giant plastic milk jug's worth of water. For a lesser person, this would have been the beginning of the end--a trip towards the dark side. But not for this guy. I remember asking Ken if since I threw up, did all that water not count towards my daily minimum. And he said no. So back on the horse I went. Only this time I set my sights at a more manageable level, managed to hold my water, and the rest is history (the history of the guy with clear pee even when he drinks 2 cups of coffee, bitch).

You know how we've all always wondered if leaving a CD player on pause for a long time would burn a hole in the CD (laser beams)? Well, I accidentally left a CD in my classroom on pause over the whole weekend and it was fine; it played fine, and no hole. Kinda anticlimactic, actually.

Speaking of anticlimactic, is there anything more anticlimactic than walking down Valencia Street (around the corner from my house) when the "Pregnant Women Yoga Class" is getting out? Ew. Last on my list of things I want to see: Herd of swollen, sweaty, weirdo chicks in lycra, storming through my neighborhood. The neighborhood yoga studio giveth, and the neighborhood yoga studio taketh away.

One of my new teacher friends, who knows lots about Buddhism and stuff, said that Buddhists believe that, "We can all attain Nirvana by polishing ourselves." Um, you don’t need to be Buddhist to know that one...

I met up with my friend Amy the other night for drinks and she had a couple of her friends with her (a guy and a girl). After chatting with them all for a while, Amy and I saddled up to the bar for refills and she told me that the 2 people she brought were sort of dating each other. I was a bit taken aback--I told her I had been pretty sure that that dude was gay. Her response: "He's not gay, he's English." Good times...

History of the Sandwich (The 7 days of creation):
On the first day God made bread and it was good. There was sourdough and wheat and rye and stuff.
On the second day God made meat and we all rejoiced. He made some meats to be served hot and others to be served cold.
On the third day God made cheese and we had a party in our pants. He must have put in a lot of overtime this day cuz there are hella cheeses and most of them are hella good.
On the fourth day God made condiments and life was looking pretty good. Rumor has it mayonnaise was made right after a very productive mid-afternoon power nap.
On the fifth day God made accessories like bacon and avocados and people took note.
On the sixth day God threw some regular veggies in there. Which was alright. I think God had a hangover from Friday night (partying too hard with bacon and cheese) and sort of mailed it in, but we have all been there.
On the seventh day we ate.

Man, I love the TIVO, but after seeing all the myriad season passes on the myriad TIVOs at Club Sunset, I feel like I am not utilizing the TIVO at all. I think the problem is that I just don’t like too many TV shows.

I was talking to my kids about the proper usage of quotations, which led to the reason why we use punctuation in general, and I said, "Punctuation isn't pointless." Good times...

We were working on symbolism, and I was making my students write about symbolism in their own lives, and one of my students wrote about "All You Can Eat Restaurants" because he loves to eat. Partyboy...

When I was first explaining about how anything could be a symbol (a place, a gesture, a person, an object, etc), I actually managed to work MASK into my spiel. I talked about how Rocky taught the blind girl (who was born blind) what blue looked like by having her hold an ice cube. And what red looked like by having her hold something hot. And what clouds looked like by having her hold a pile of cotton balls. Sweeeeeeet.

It has been forever since I checked out all the various search strings that lead people to cheesepockets.com (one can only assume accidentally), but since I find them entertaining, and I'm the type of guy who likes to throw in his .02, here is the "best of" the last 4-5 months:

fucking in the sew with girl--Sure, doesn’t everyone?
vagina want to be sex--It doesn’t work exactly like that, but I can see what they are getting at.
challah french toast semifreddis--Now you're speaking my language.
clip art of hineys--I'd rather disable the safe search and do a regular google image search personally (and from time to time, I do...).
counterintuitivity--And this is the place.
data analyzing robot youth lifeform sr71-blackbird--DARYL, bitch.
how to shave your cat--Info not located on this site.
www.chinese woman fucking.com--I don’t think we have a link for this.
melt on hoodie--Not sure what this means, but I like the imagery.
pleasantville boobs--Boobs.
revenge of the nerds ogre what if dog--Spelled cat.
tummyache masturbate--One of many ailments that is cured by masturbation.
don't smoke buddha can't stand sex--See Bert, I ain't the only one.
nose-sweat--See world, I ain't the only one.
gooey man--We've all got a little gooey man...
pee hole stretching--Moving swiftly on...
pneumatic diner microwave reno--It was bound to happen.
she's a salty little pisser with a cock in her kisser--Muah.
arezo shoes--Oi, Arezo, if you get this, call me.
cock cockpit--Cock.
cockleses cuckold--Cock.
cocky cocks--Cock.
daughters of the Alamo--DOTA
erin o'connor is--Man this is a rather tempting fill-in-the-blank.
fart girl real gassy girls--Just like I like 'em.
fresh prince of bel-air chicktionary--I guess I did spell chicktionary right.
nice tushy--Thank you.
picture of lamar revenge of the nerds throwing the javelin--Is priceless.
when is a diet pill worth 153 dollars a bottle--When it works. Really works.
funyuns acne--Should they put a cigarette packaging-style warning on them?
roommate's cumrag--Mi casa es su casa.

And for whatever reason, month after month, people keep searching for (and coming to CP because of it):
Turkey baster pregnancy
Who move my cheese
Why can't monsters get along with other monsters
You're the best around no lyrics

by Justin
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